I can’t believe it’s been a year since I’ve officially been a stay at home mom (SAHM)! Growing up I was always playing house with my many babies, literally giving them rides on the lawn mower in their car seat, or playing Barbies with families that had 10 kids. I guess from a young age, I’ve had such a love for babies and children and the fact that I now get to raise my own and stay home with them is such a gift.
Last January I had my second baby. Leading up to her birth, I thought about staying home but hadn’t committed to it yet. How would finances look? Can we actually afford to have me at home? What about my job that I enjoy? But two under two in daycare? No, thank you. These were all things we thought about before I officially put in my resignation from my RN position. I should caveat here that I still work casual, meaning I pick up shifts that work for my schedule, but no longer have a full position that guarantees hours.
During my maternity leave, we officially decided I wouldn’t be returning back to work. My husband and I had many conversations about it. I wanted to stay home with these babies and he saw the value in having me stay home. We also knew that I would still have to pick up shifts at the hospital, but like I said, when it worked best for our schedule. Picking up shifts during the busy farming times isn’t ideal whereas during the winter, on the weekends, and evenings, those work better for my husband to stay with the children. When my husband’s work schedule is busy, we are fortunate enough to have family members with flexible schedules that allow me to pick up shifts. For that we are so grateful!
Transitioning into SAHM position
The transition from working outside of the home to staying home was pretty smooth. Smooth because while I was out on maternity leave, I let my employer know I was dropping my current position and dropping down to a casual employee. So when my 12 weeks of leave were over, I just continued staying home with my babies. Staying home and extending past those 12 weeks are something I don’t take for granted. I wish we were a country that offered paid maternity leave. I wonder if more women would return back into the work place if they had more support postpartum and were allowed more time at home with their baby?! Just a thought. Anyways, those 12 weeks got me into April and April was a busy season for my husband with farming and tiling. I didn’t pick up many shifts in the spring, which was lovely.
I was a mom of two under two and man, what a task that is. Essentially caring for two babies while caring for myself postpartum. That season took lots of grace and I fully embraced it. I enjoyed being with them for all of their little moments. I was able to witness their relationship grow. It was so special being present for their small interactions. I think about those mamas who miss out on those moments as their babies are at daycare. (For some mamas, they thrive in their work and sending their babies to daycare is best for them!! No shame or shade thrown to those mamas who choose or are forced to do it this way–no right or wrong. This is just my perspective.) It’s such a blessing to witness firsthand the growth that happens.
Struggles of Becoming a SAHM
I’ve experienced that it can be so easy to get into the “woe is me” mindset at times. Woe is me that I don’t get any time to myself. My “job” as a mother is always on and I felt this especially when my newborn wasn’t sleeping through the night. Why do I have to be the one that get’s up with her every time? I have to battle getting her to nap. I am the one that has to feed her. It’s so easy to think I have it so bad. This isn’t my typical mindset but I found myself here when the days were challenging. To help combat these thoughts and feelings, I found journaling and talking to my husband helped.
Because I was used to a nursing schedule of only working a few days a week, the change in having days off at home wasn’t an adjustment. The adjustment came when I wasn’t picking up as many shifts and the relationships with coworkers changed. It wasn’t a big change, it’s just subtle changes because I was not with them as often. There isn’t quite the depth of conversation just because I wasn’t around them as often.
And let’s talk about it–finances. For us, there were changes that our family would have to make. In this first year as a SAHM, I only brought home 1/3 of what I was bringing home the previous years. That’s a big cut, at least for us it is. My husband and I have had conversations about where our goals lie and what we really desire. What we desired was for me to stay home, so how can we make that work?
There were some changes that needed to happen in our daily spending. One thing that helped with this was the perspective of “what’s worth sacrificing?” Do we really need to have TV? Can we cut that subscription during the summer months when we’re outside more? Do we need to have a monthly car payment or do we scale back on our vehicle to cut that payment out for a bit? Do the kids “need” new clothes or can we look through the boxes of hand-me-downs first? These were just a few areas that we talked about and have made cuts to to make this current lifestyle work.
What I Love Most About Staying Home
Obviously, the number one thing I love most about staying home is the time I get to spend with my children. As they grow, I realize, truly, how quickly it goes. It floors me that I could send my oldest to preschool in the coming fall already! How!! The days do feel so long sometimes but looking back, especially reflecting back on photos, it’s amazing how quickly they grow. I cherish our slow mornings together, eating breakfast, and playing. I’m grateful to be the one that puts them down for naps and I’m the first face they see when they wake up. I’m just really grateful for the time.
Because I am home with them, I have been able to learn more about myself. I’ve learned that I really enjoy cooking and baking from scratch and trying new recipes for my family to love. I’ve found great satisfaction in making a homecooked meal that my husband loves and my kids eat and ask for more of. I enjoy the slower pace and living a little bit more like my grandmothers did.
The time flexibility has been a blessing as well. I am able to choose our schedule and determine how we fill our days. It’s amazing on how even on our “empty” weeks, the days fill up with things. We get to spend our time outside in garden, playing on the swing set, visiting the tile crew in the field, visiting grandparents, play dates, or running errands. But the beauty of it all, at least while my kids are small, I have the choice in what we do.
Just like any new job, being a stay at home mom has increased my confidence as a mother. It has stretched me, tested me, strengthened me, and is shaping me into this next version of myself. I think it’s so beautiful, seeing and meeting this version of myself. I’ve learned new skills like tackling bath time and bedtime solo with two under two. How to take two little people out and complete all of my errands. And each time I do these things, my confidence grows, and I learn what might need to change the next time we do that same thing.
Choosing to be a SAHM has been the best decision I could have made. It gives me the opportunity to spend these early years with my children, support my husband, and manage the home. All things I enjoy doing. And since I don’t have an employer that decides my schedule, I get to fill my days with meaningful work. There’s a quote I once saw that was, “She wanted to change the world…so she stayed home with her children.” so that’s what I’m doing. Loving on my family so that they might go out into the world and do great things.
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